I am so unbelievably thick

I am not going to be private or discreet over this. It's my party blog I can cry if write what I want to.
In the last few weeks of my "relationship"* with my last boyfriend I suspected that he fancied someone else, who is probably rather lovely. I ignored this hunch of course, thinking that I could trust him to be honest with me. Oh how wrong I was. He will deny it and say that wasn't the case, but there's no use because I am so over his lies, you have no idea. I was so certain that he was a nice, honest and caring person. Which he is, when the situation calls for it. I would not have hated him if he had been honest with me. I knew there was someone else yet he denied it and I followed suit. "It's the distance, it's too much" he would say, when what he meant was "there is someone here who I can be close to and i'd much rather be with her".

I am just so angry, I feel sick, I hate myself for trusting him and for ignoring my hunch. I really wish he had been honest with me, we could probably still be friends if he had. That is what I hate the most.
Not to mention how swiftly he managed to move on. Several days, was it?


And I know you will read this, [redacted], so I would like you to know that I HATE you. I am not going to take this back. I swear to it, I will hate you for a rather long time. I will not stop hating you, but I will move on with my life because you are not worth even thinking about.

That is all.

*I now use this term very loosely.

This is a title

Distance is horrible. Being really far away from someone you care about makes everything ten times harder. I can't do LDR's anymore.
I really.. i can't write at the moment.
Here, have a youtube video i rather like..

And we shall say no more on the subject.

So this was my Sunday

Quite a lot of interesting or blog-worthy things happened today!

The first is simply an awkward situation i had at work. I realise i have never mentioned this on my blog before but at the ice rink where i work i often get regular customers, but that's usually young kids who like to follow me around quizzing me on Harry Potter, so i'm not complaining! Though we have one regular who used to skate Friday nights several years ago, and has only recently started coming back on Sunday mornings. He is 23 (?) and very... forward. I wont drag this out much longer, basically, he started asking a lot of questions about how the hell i can have a boyfriend on the internet who i have never met. And the last question he asked before i refused to talk to him anymore was "So... are you a naughty girl or a good girl?". It just made me really uncomfortable! I asked him what business it was of his and he was all "oh.. just interested, i mean-" 'No. You do not ask people that. What the hell?! Please leave me alone!"
My boss just laughed at me and said i should have replied with "I'm a naughty girl". To which i retorted with a nice long glare, which of course just made him laugh more.
So that was work today.

Onwards and upwards! Usually my parents visit my Grandmother whilst i am at work on Sundays, so this means i never get to go and see her, which is sad because i love her dearly! So today i convinced my Father to take me after work to see her. My Nan is the cutest little old lady ever, she doesn't even measure up to my shoulders anymore. Her new house has been decorated in true Grandmother-style, ornate rugs on all of the things, basically. Oh, and a whole lot of books! But that's not my point. My point is, that my Nan is a huge sucker for romance and gossip. We've just had a wedding several days ago which she couldn't attend, in Ireland, so she is really very interested in everything love-related at the moment. Which brings us to the actual point of all of this ramble! Phew. Sorry.
So i got talking to my Nan about my boyfriend who is in New Zealand (Hi Cody! Look, i'm mentioning you!) and she got all excited, telling me that i should use the money she gave me towards a car to go and see him. Which i am fine with! Dad cut in though and said that "if he likes her enough he'll come see her in January, she isn't to go gallivanting across the globe!". Nan had a bit of a sulk for... about a minute, when she realised that meant she would be able to meet him in January. She proceeded to convince Dad that he has to stay with us. Nan and i are a good team.
I'm going to install Skype for her next weekend and teach her how to use it "Ooh i shall email all of my friends and tell them!!".

And one last thing, update on the dungarees;

Bee Four

Aft Her

So the bleach did work, but they're still a bit darker than i want, so i'll bleach them again quite soon!

I hope you all had nice weekends :)

my heart hurts

i'll write a longer post later
he broke up with me
off to work now yay

For the time being, everything is fine and dandy

He wrote me a letter to better explain, the reasons that he is feeling this disdain.

He referenced Harry Potter to elucidate the situation.
How is he real?
More importantly; how did i get so lucky??!

Basically; everything is fine. He isn't going anywhere just yet.

I suppose i should write about something else now, so you don't all think that the only thing i ever think about anymore is my boyfriend!
aaahhhh that was odd. "my boyfriend" HAH i typed it again!! sostrangesostrangesostrangesooooosstrraaanggeeeee but good. very very very good.

UNI
I've started my second week, i still don't have all my text books and therefore i am behind on my readings already. Even though we weren't assigned readings for last week. I tend to be two weeks ahead on my readings usually, so being one week behind is hell.
I was far too upset in yesterday's Lifespan Development lecture to actually take any notes. So i just drew a tea set. I will post a picture of it at the bottom ^_^ But that means i have to go online and re-listen to the lecture, take notes, retain information etc etc.

LIFE
I've been alright so far this year. I, like most people, get bursts of depression now and then. Sometimes i'm actually kinda suicidal, though it's never all that serious? I know i would never go through with it, i value my life too much, but i toy with the idea when i'm in that frame of mind. I've only had a few though, and they weren't too bad. So things are looking up :)

That was... heavy

I wont go into extreme details, but we pretty much spent like 3 hours discussing religion, and this weight he feels, (which apparently feels like guilt though he doesn't know what for) and whenever he thinks of me he feels this weight or guilt.

I'm trying to help him fix it, to not give up on what we have, because it's amazing, and the greatest thing that has happened to me in a while. But if he can't shake this feeling, then i'm willing to let him go, so he can be rid of it. A lot of heartbreak for me, but i'd rather him be happy..