For the time being, everything is fine and dandy

He wrote me a letter to better explain, the reasons that he is feeling this disdain.

He referenced Harry Potter to elucidate the situation.
How is he real?
More importantly; how did i get so lucky??!

Basically; everything is fine. He isn't going anywhere just yet.

I suppose i should write about something else now, so you don't all think that the only thing i ever think about anymore is my boyfriend!
aaahhhh that was odd. "my boyfriend" HAH i typed it again!! sostrangesostrangesostrangesooooosstrraaanggeeeee but good. very very very good.

UNI
I've started my second week, i still don't have all my text books and therefore i am behind on my readings already. Even though we weren't assigned readings for last week. I tend to be two weeks ahead on my readings usually, so being one week behind is hell.
I was far too upset in yesterday's Lifespan Development lecture to actually take any notes. So i just drew a tea set. I will post a picture of it at the bottom ^_^ But that means i have to go online and re-listen to the lecture, take notes, retain information etc etc.

LIFE
I've been alright so far this year. I, like most people, get bursts of depression now and then. Sometimes i'm actually kinda suicidal, though it's never all that serious? I know i would never go through with it, i value my life too much, but i toy with the idea when i'm in that frame of mind. I've only had a few though, and they weren't too bad. So things are looking up :)

That was... heavy

I wont go into extreme details, but we pretty much spent like 3 hours discussing religion, and this weight he feels, (which apparently feels like guilt though he doesn't know what for) and whenever he thinks of me he feels this weight or guilt.

I'm trying to help him fix it, to not give up on what we have, because it's amazing, and the greatest thing that has happened to me in a while. But if he can't shake this feeling, then i'm willing to let him go, so he can be rid of it. A lot of heartbreak for me, but i'd rather him be happy..

I am really going to hate Wednesdays

How my Wednesday went

I had to be up at 5:30 to leave by 6:15. I got to the city at 7, grabbed a coffee, and was outside my tutorial room waiting for 45 minutes for my class to start. Then i walked to the Botanical gardens after 2 hours of a class and buying a Tshirt, caught a butterfly, discovered a previously unknown section of the gardens, rolled down a hill and made a chain of african violets and left it on a stone. Then i grabbed another coffee, looked at stationary, realised i do not have a diary still, didn't buy one due to lack of money after having several coffees. Saw people at the other campus, which i walked to. Got lunch. Got another coffee. Went to my tutorial. Got a break in the middle, bought another coffee. Went home after tutorial. Collapsed on bed.

How my Thursday went

Got up at like 6:30, caught a 7:15 bus, had a lecture at 9-11 and a tute from 11-1. It was Human Body 1, a biology subject, and it was awesome. Unlike my other subjects, we are actually learning things already, instead of getting the old "Welcome to U-ni-ver-si-ty. We know you are new, and will be nice, okay?" speech. Then i walked to the Botanics with him, read my Doctor Who book while he drafted an essay. climbed a tree. Walked to the bus. Caught it to his house. Played mario. Got driven home. Was accused of being harsh, pointed out it was sarcasm, felt bad for making him feel like i was being serious. Ranted to his face about how he is 50 times better than me, far too good for me, amazing, wonderful, crazy. Got asked out. Said yes. Told Stef, had a 2 hour phone call as a result. Ended my relationship with Gilbert Blythe on facebook. Freaked out.

i
have
a boyfriend.

"Whenever we talk, I feel like there's a lot more going on inside you than you ever let anyone see."
This may be a quote from my Animal Crossing for the Wii, but it honestly couldn't apply to me any more. It's freaky.

Apparently it's one of the things he likes about me, that i'm kinda mysterious and secretive, and sometimes difficult to figure out. He also likes that i look at the tops of buildings rather than the street level, that i have an unusual love of old things and how i am super observent. Thing is, i didn't even notice these things about myself, until he pointed them out? As i'm spending more time with him, i'm finding new things about my own personality, too.
"The more we learn about each other, the more we learn about ourselves" ~First Doctor

Everything is pretty much fine now. I get to see him Thursday ^_^
My day starts at 6AM tomorrow, 8AM tutorial! Should be fun. Then i have to wait around in the city for 5 hours... i think i'll take a Pratchett book and read in the Botanics until about 12:30, then i'll head down to City West and hang out with some people i haven't seen since last year, which will be nice :)

My phone, i have accepted, is fucked. I'm going to use my old one until i can afford a new one.
I am not going to drink again. I've been really depressed over it lately, because i always promised i'd never do that to myself... and i really feel like i've let myself down, and God down. I feel like such a failure right now.
Not to mention i'm underprepared for Uni right now and it's all really overwhelming and i just can't shrug the feeling that i should be doing an art degree instead of Nursing...

Worst idea in a long time. Here comes an essay.

Went to a party last night
This post can't end well


It was a horror party, i went as a Vampire girl from the Doctor Who episode Vampires in Venice. If you live in Australia it was on this afternoon at about 5/5:30pm on ABC1
Anyway, he was there, of course, looking lovely in his skinny jeans. GAH.
I had a bit to drink... Well, i mean, i didn't realise how much alcohol was in the punch until this morning, apparently there was almost an entire bottle of Smirnoff in that shit, and i had like 6 glasses of that. In between those i had two tequila shots. Keeping in mind i've never before drank anything substantial.

At the time i was just a little hyper, nothing out of the ordinary. Of course, there was the walk down to the beach where i stood up to my waist in the ocean, with my phone in my pocket of course, contemplating drowning myself just to see how long it would take my friends, who were about 700 meters away, to notice. Of course, when i say 700 meters away, i actually mean, like, 20.
He followed me though, kept hugging me and stuff.
But it was really amazing, because there were these bioluminescent organisms in the water, so when you walk through it or move your arms through the water, they start to glow a blue-green colour. It was as if you were dipping your arm into a pitch black night sky, and temporarily turning on the stars. I spent a great deal of time causing those organisms to glow, i think being intoxicated made it more interesting than it should have been. Then there was the sudden realisation that my phone was still in my pocket and i'd been in the water for a good 5 minutes... yeah, not so good! It's currently sitting, dismantled, in a bowl of rice. If anyone has any other suggestions that don't cost me a new phone or $150 of repair work, i'm all ears!
Not literally, that would be a weird sight


Anyway, three of us were spooning on one single mattress, which was fun for a while until we realised it really wasn't going to work, so we grabbed a spare swag that was lying around. Inevitable i ended up on the join between the two. We were in bed by about 4:30AM, but didn't really get to sleep until 5:30
He kept sneaking his arm around me, it was nice. But i'm more confused than ever, i mean, he was acting like we're a couple, yet he doesn't want to be a couple?
If i didn't bloody like him so much i'd let it go. Literally. I'd say that i'm too confused about the whole deal and that it was probably best if he left me alone. But i'm so sure that in the long run it could work, you know, be my first proper relationship? Hugging regularly and spooning is the most i've ever done with.. well... anyone really. I never really spooned my best friend, even. Yet i'm still not in a relationship?
Maybe i'm worrying about it too much... i mean, i don't need to label it, do i?

I hate over-thinking everything.

On a more positive note, depending on how you look at it, i now have a legit reason to not drink?
"Why don't you drink, Tori?" 'Last time i drank, i got kinda smashed and tried to drown myself, which of course resulted in my phone receiving extensive water damage'