thoughts

thought 1
everything was a lot simpler when i had no friends. really.
there was none of this 'fuck he is so cute' or 'he is so attractive but will never go out with me'
i was quite happy as a loner. really. wish i could go back to being 14 again.
but that's just silly, you say, tori be happy you have friends!
psssh. okay, so i am kind of happy i have friends because they are amazing and i love them and they actually accept me despite my crazy facebook marriages and religious admiration of doctor who.
maybe things aren't as bad as i once thought....
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thought 2
you know when you tell somebody something, as a joke, in a lighthearted manner, but you forget to mention it was a joke and assume they understood when they reply with 'haha' or 'lol' ? then, of course, they go tell another person, not mentioning it was a joke and not serious, and that person gets all angry and 'up in yo grill' over this apparently massive issue that wasn't actually an issue in the first place? yeah. i'm pretty sure that's what's happening now
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thought 3
possums scare the living daylights out of me. there is one outside my window right now. it is making a lot of strange noises. i cannot sleep. i'm tempted to put flour on the ground again tomorrow night just to make sure it's not actually my stalker watching me sleep....
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thought 4
i seem to mess things up really easily. it's mainly because i change my mind so rapidly and then don't know how i feel about certain issues, and when people ask me about these issues i end up making a fool of myself and saying things i don't mean to try and hide my confusion. like i'm doing now. i think.
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thought 5
my phone is out of battery. it's not like i'm expecting a text or anything. i messages someone, but i don't expect them to reply... but anyway
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thought 6
i want to know how the tree i like is doing. i plan to check this tomorrow. i'll report back later on this issue. watch this space.
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thought 7
there are those times where you think it's going to be absolutely terrible, but it ends up being fantastic, and then it's all over in an instant and they're leaving and you feel just as nervous and let down as you did before....
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thought 8
i know you're reading this. stalker. i'm going to have to find another outlet for my opinions of you, because you've found this one. but before you run off to try and find my other blog, which by the way you will not find, know that i do in fact think you are wonderful, i'm just doubtful that you still feel anything for me. really, it's happened before.
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thought 10
seven ate nine.
did i ever tell you about the boy i met on kangaroo island when i was... 10? well that's a story for another day then :)

well this is... different!
i only really use my tumblr for reblogging pictures of benedict cumberbatch, so i see no point in actually posting things about my life there
so why not turn back to my old blog?
nobody really reads it anymore, so this could be a really good place to just jot down some feelings etc
if anyone is reading this, here, have an update!
i got into uni! yay! but it's not the course i wanted. aww.
but i'm transferring to nursing next year!
I got my L's and i've been out driving amongst real live traffic recently, it's scary
you might not agree, but i am driving a manual... ssooo it is.
anyway, not really sure what else to say...
i've broken my new years resolution, you know what it was
well, you the unknown reader do not, but i'm gonna continue with the assumption that nobody reads this. ever.
also, if my lack of capitilisation annoys anyone, too bad. i've always felt capitals leave out the words in the middle of the sentence, so, nobody gets a capital and we're all fine. oooh i found a post from ages ago that i had saved in word... *copypastes*
so i'm not going to explain the situation, i'll just talk about how i feel about it
because i know someone will read this and quote me on it one day and life as you know it will split into thirty alternate realities, 28 of which end in me shooting myself in the head.

i feel like you're messing with my head. is that how it's supposed to feel? because i don't know anymore. i don't believe anything of what you say, either, it seems it's just all lies.
i'll humor you, for the time being, but i wonder how obvious it is that i'm not taking you seriously. at all.
really, though, you're great and all that, but i just don't get it. why me? i'm really not all that speical. why can't you turn your attentions to someone else? i feel terrible, because all i ever do is let you down, you fall for me and i crush you, and i can't help it, i just don't think i could ever love you. any of you. sure i check some of you out in the street now and then, and occasionally there will be one of you who likes me at a time when i like you back. but it never works out. it never will. this is because i don't want it to. i don't want you to have control over me, even if that isn't your intention. but i don't want to feel things i can't control, i just can't stand it.

anyway, just a little bit of a rant, i suppose!
muchos loves <3

hah. well i remember that one, it didn't end well. you all know that. i just doubt i'll ever love again :)