Nag a ram.

Well, we'll start with this afternoon and work our way backwards, as i want to talk about this first regardless.
A disabled man in a wheelchair approached me at the bus stop this afternoon. He asked me what time the 720 or 721 bus would be along, so i got off my seat and checked the timetable for him. No big deal. He was a nice man, had a good conversation about how annoying laptops can be when they decide they don't want to connect to the internet, and when he found out i am studying Nursing he actually gave me a heap of useful information. It was nice. He was a little creepy looking, but i don't like to judge people by their looks. A lot of people actually gave me pitying glances as they walked by.  The whole "sorry he's bothering you" nod. It made me quite mad. Just because he is obviously a stranger, and disabled, doesn't mean he's bothering me. I was in no way inconvenienced by the conversation, he was a nice guy!

Anyway, apart from that, I BOUGHT ANNE OF AVONLEA FOR $7.70 AT A BOOKSHOP AND IT'S FROM THE 40S AND OH MY GOODNESS IT IS THE GREATEST THING EVER

this photo does it no justice at all. AT ALL

And i cannot possibly explain the smell. Oh my gosh the smell. This book is the greatest smelling book ever. The pages are yellow, almost orange, it's falling apart and has been so well loved. It has made me so unbelievably happy!!!

I'm running out of ideas for post titles

Went to a gig at the Producers bar last night. For anyone in Adelaide who knows me and reads this, ie: one person, WHY WAS I NOT TAKEN THERE BEFORE? IT IS AWESOME.
If i lived closer to the city i would be down there every Saturday night. Seriously.
Anyway, Michael had a gig there, their band is called the Viennas, and not to sound horrible, but i was actually surprised at how good they were! They were honestly really really good.
Though i felt like such a hipster, sitting in a bar with mismatched retro furniture on the other side of town while unknown bands played to an audience of about 40 or so people.

Before that i was at the hairdressers for 5 hours, which isn't uncommon because my friend who i've known since year 2 and her mum run the salon. Anway, we were aiming for a bright red, not unlike the colour of my new skinny jeans. Which i am too skinny for, as it turns out... < booth >

But anyway, it came out a sort of auburn red, which wasn't good. So we shoved some plum coloured fudge over the top so now it's this colour;

Which is a nice shade of purple, which will wash out. So i'm going back next week to try again! :)

I told one of my other friends that i've been suicidal last night. Not really sure why i told her... She's just told me she was moving interstate and then she was going on about how she'd told me a massive secret and that she deserved one from me and i got a little annoyed so i went "you want me to tell you a secret? a decent one? well i've been suicidal lately. good enough?" She went kinda quiet. Which is understandable because as far as ALL of my friends know i am the happiest person they know. I've only really cried in front of 3 people once. And that was when my Nan was really sick. So for the rest of the evening she kept hugging me and dragging me away from the rest of the people to tell me how great she thought i was. Actually made me feel physically sick to get so many compliments in one night. And i'm not saying that for effect, i almost threw up at one stage.

I'm getting a bit better, i mean, i think having told two people now has sort of... lifted the weight from my shoulders, in a way? I'm not scratching at my arms, either. I'm pretty lame, instead of cutting i get things like keys or sharp edges or my nails and i just kind of sit and scratch at my arms for a while... because cutting leaves scars and i'd just hate my appearance more if i had lasting reminders. Gets my frustration out, though.

MAN. THIS HAS BEEN A BIT OF A DEEP AND DEPRESSING POST.
sorry about that!!
Less depressing is the fact that i got handed a 1980's Doctor Who choose-your-own-adventure book.

I WILL NEVER PUT IT DOWN IT IS AMAZING <3

Alright, that's it from me! I'm off to work now, and then to see my Nan's new house that she is moving to :)

Damn you.

So i was working on my Essay plan at Uni this morning, right? I realise i don't have a USB so i just email myself the document. Get home, Uni emails are down -__-
Cannot retrieve my assignment now.
I was THIS CLOSE to finishing it, too!
Life is so frustrating right now! Can i do anything right? No.

P.S. It's due at 11pm, so i have about 7 hours to get it done still.

le post

Aladdin is on my television... you cannot honeslty expect me to be doing my essay!!
Oh, and i linked my boyfriend to my blog... that was possibly a very very bad idea!
Hey Michael! How's it going.. or.. whatever...
MICHAEL YOU GO NOW. YOU LEAVE. BE GONE.

I'm just chilling in my PJ's, going over the quiz i need to fill out tomorrow and contemplating doing my essay plan. I also have an icecream in close proximity, that paired with Aladdin and a lack of motivation (as usual) means this wont get done until tomorrow afternoon. I can see it now.

You know what i want to do? I want to spend a week by myself somewhere... In another city or another country. It's not Uni i want to get away from, it's myself that i want to get back to.

A bit repetitive, but still

I HAVE AN ESSAY PLAN DUE FRIDAY THAT I'VE STARTED BUT CAN'T GET INTO BECAUSE IT IS BORING ME AS IT'S ONLY 10% AND I AM TIRED.
I've actually done about a fifth of what i need to do, i just can't be bothered!
Maybe i will study for my quiz that i have tomorrow instead...
That would probably be more productive!

I am noticing a pattern :/

Hrmph.

So, i'm not blind, i know i have friends and family, and now a boyfriend, who care for me a great deal...
Which means it's pretty bloody selfish of me to be feeling depressed and suicidal at the moment. Isn't it.
Of course, this doesn't help my self esteem, because knowing i'm selfish for feeling depressed just gives me more reasons to hate myself. Which i do, a considerable amount.
I'm lazy, conceited, immature. I've got the ability to do really well at Uni, yet i'm so lazy and unmotivated that i've done shit all so far this semester. I'm really great at breaking things, too. I would write a list of everything that i'm bad at and all the reasons i hate myself, but that's bound to bore you. Not to mention i'm probably just attention seeking by even putting this on my blog.
I really honestly cannot stand myself.
But sshhh it's a secret! :)
<3

One week!

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY It's been an entire week since i last updated, that's terrible!!
Now i have to remember everything that's happened, this will be tough.
Nothing much has happened, i got two more textbooks today, so my back hurts a considerable amount after having to walk around the city with them in my already full backpack as mum went clothes shopping. I'm pretty sure we should have done it before my backpack gained 200kg, but apparently not.
Might be going to the hairdressers sooonish. I'm having one of those days where i just want my fringe back, because it's taking too long to grow out. But i will resist!
Hopefully going a nice shade of red... we will se what happens!
Knowing me it'll probably end up purple or black or something!

And these are a few of my favourite things

things smells that i love :)
~ Wood fires. I particularly love the smell of burning pine, but rosewood is nice too.
~ Rain and the way everything smells after a downpour.
~ Lavender
~ Freshly washed sheets.
~ Mum's perfume and Dad's aftershave. These two smells will stay with me forever, i think, and have so many memories attached to them.
~ Freshly mown grass.
~ Old books and new books alike.
~ That quick burst of smell you get when you open a new tin of biscuits.
~ Cinnamon
~ Pine trees
~ The ocean
and Hot cups of herbal tea.

It's always interesting to find out other people's favourite smells, and to see what you have in common!

For the time being, everything is fine and dandy

He wrote me a letter to better explain, the reasons that he is feeling this disdain.

He referenced Harry Potter to elucidate the situation.
How is he real?
More importantly; how did i get so lucky??!

Basically; everything is fine. He isn't going anywhere just yet.

I suppose i should write about something else now, so you don't all think that the only thing i ever think about anymore is my boyfriend!
aaahhhh that was odd. "my boyfriend" HAH i typed it again!! sostrangesostrangesostrangesooooosstrraaanggeeeee but good. very very very good.

UNI
I've started my second week, i still don't have all my text books and therefore i am behind on my readings already. Even though we weren't assigned readings for last week. I tend to be two weeks ahead on my readings usually, so being one week behind is hell.
I was far too upset in yesterday's Lifespan Development lecture to actually take any notes. So i just drew a tea set. I will post a picture of it at the bottom ^_^ But that means i have to go online and re-listen to the lecture, take notes, retain information etc etc.

LIFE
I've been alright so far this year. I, like most people, get bursts of depression now and then. Sometimes i'm actually kinda suicidal, though it's never all that serious? I know i would never go through with it, i value my life too much, but i toy with the idea when i'm in that frame of mind. I've only had a few though, and they weren't too bad. So things are looking up :)

That was... heavy

I wont go into extreme details, but we pretty much spent like 3 hours discussing religion, and this weight he feels, (which apparently feels like guilt though he doesn't know what for) and whenever he thinks of me he feels this weight or guilt.

I'm trying to help him fix it, to not give up on what we have, because it's amazing, and the greatest thing that has happened to me in a while. But if he can't shake this feeling, then i'm willing to let him go, so he can be rid of it. A lot of heartbreak for me, but i'd rather him be happy..

I am really going to hate Wednesdays

How my Wednesday went

I had to be up at 5:30 to leave by 6:15. I got to the city at 7, grabbed a coffee, and was outside my tutorial room waiting for 45 minutes for my class to start. Then i walked to the Botanical gardens after 2 hours of a class and buying a Tshirt, caught a butterfly, discovered a previously unknown section of the gardens, rolled down a hill and made a chain of african violets and left it on a stone. Then i grabbed another coffee, looked at stationary, realised i do not have a diary still, didn't buy one due to lack of money after having several coffees. Saw people at the other campus, which i walked to. Got lunch. Got another coffee. Went to my tutorial. Got a break in the middle, bought another coffee. Went home after tutorial. Collapsed on bed.

How my Thursday went

Got up at like 6:30, caught a 7:15 bus, had a lecture at 9-11 and a tute from 11-1. It was Human Body 1, a biology subject, and it was awesome. Unlike my other subjects, we are actually learning things already, instead of getting the old "Welcome to U-ni-ver-si-ty. We know you are new, and will be nice, okay?" speech. Then i walked to the Botanics with him, read my Doctor Who book while he drafted an essay. climbed a tree. Walked to the bus. Caught it to his house. Played mario. Got driven home. Was accused of being harsh, pointed out it was sarcasm, felt bad for making him feel like i was being serious. Ranted to his face about how he is 50 times better than me, far too good for me, amazing, wonderful, crazy. Got asked out. Said yes. Told Stef, had a 2 hour phone call as a result. Ended my relationship with Gilbert Blythe on facebook. Freaked out.

i
have
a boyfriend.

"Whenever we talk, I feel like there's a lot more going on inside you than you ever let anyone see."
This may be a quote from my Animal Crossing for the Wii, but it honestly couldn't apply to me any more. It's freaky.

Apparently it's one of the things he likes about me, that i'm kinda mysterious and secretive, and sometimes difficult to figure out. He also likes that i look at the tops of buildings rather than the street level, that i have an unusual love of old things and how i am super observent. Thing is, i didn't even notice these things about myself, until he pointed them out? As i'm spending more time with him, i'm finding new things about my own personality, too.
"The more we learn about each other, the more we learn about ourselves" ~First Doctor

Everything is pretty much fine now. I get to see him Thursday ^_^
My day starts at 6AM tomorrow, 8AM tutorial! Should be fun. Then i have to wait around in the city for 5 hours... i think i'll take a Pratchett book and read in the Botanics until about 12:30, then i'll head down to City West and hang out with some people i haven't seen since last year, which will be nice :)

My phone, i have accepted, is fucked. I'm going to use my old one until i can afford a new one.
I am not going to drink again. I've been really depressed over it lately, because i always promised i'd never do that to myself... and i really feel like i've let myself down, and God down. I feel like such a failure right now.
Not to mention i'm underprepared for Uni right now and it's all really overwhelming and i just can't shrug the feeling that i should be doing an art degree instead of Nursing...